Keepin me Keepin on

Today I lea rned CPR and First Aid. Can you do 100 compressions per minute? That's the rate to keep those dead people from being permanently dead.

Afterwards I talked to a fellow VL about life and about projects and I was reminded of how bitter and spiteful I can sometimes be. Not because she told me, but because I've been feeling it, and well I don't even agree with it, in principal. I know it's wrong, but it's a trap that is all too easy to wander into because it alleviates some of the frustration of life. In all actuality, it does nothing but move it around and what goes around, comes around, so I need to be reminded of this from time to time and perhaps today was that. Hurricane force winds got me the ride home in a truck full of conversation.

I think I need a constant reminder of the frivolity of it all because it's worth it. Gotta keep me from overthinking. I feel French.

Positive notes of life: I've been drinking exceptional amounts of water and there is no threat to my hydration. My bicycle is looking nice. All brakes working, rear rack attached. The cats were not missing. I can eat really spicy food and not get heartburn. I can drink like a fish.

hunger

it's a constant battle between the stomach and the mind

decisonmaking by decisionmakers

Sitting in my office chair for too long soaks my pillow with sweat and always ends with my over-sized t-shirt clinging to my back, bonding with perspiration. There is no denying the heat and no remedy for a warming room with a red floor littered with cat fur and tire tracks. This is just a glimpse into the visual world that surrounds me right now. Audibly there is Juanes and power-drills and the occasional tapping-rapping-clapping sound from the street, nothing out of the ordinary for a lazy thursday in bayou st. john. Id expect nothing less from my tour books.

Uh-oh. new sound! it's the snowball truck! I should run out but im not even dressed and then i'd have to find money and that's one of those never-ending challenges in the life of allysin. I have small amounts but to get anymore from the fed id have get rid of some. it's a silly circle-some would say a sick downward spiral into oppression. just kidding.

Decisions will be made and then potentially rued if my tarot is accurate. the future holds spiteful allysin while the present should be hopeful-gotta keep on keepin on-the past is miserly.

Forgetting and then Laughter

There is a wonderful book by Milan Kundera called the Book of Laughter and Forgetting. I wish I had it in my possession tonight. I don't. Instead, I have FML.

Lately my life has been rollercoasting. There are extremes of mass chaos and busy. Then there are the envious days of unemployment spent scouring the world for a paying job. It's not the money that lures me it's the capability to: 1. sustain myself 2. send for my foreign object 3. eat legumes.

And it's in the moments of lull and waiting that it dawns on me(you?), there isn't true waiting. This is it, a la michael jackson.

As soon as I start to think all my thoughts flee my brain. I can only hope they find refuge in my fingers as they tap a rap tap on the keyboard.

Eff that. I need to address the most pressing concern at hand. Kittens. There are three kittens plus their mother cat, also slightly a kitten, who are destroying everything is this apartment. The claw up all that can be clawed-have you ever seen a kitten climb up a bicycle tire like it were a cat toy? It's nowhere near desirable and disturbingly cute, at times. Before this experience, I never could understand people who said they didn't like cats-now, I get it. It's a shredded nightmare sometimes. It's probably just the numerosity.

Needs

In order to bring a Geraud to America I need to make at least $9.50/hr in a full-time job. Shouldn't be that hard, but it is.

Any leads anybody?